#336055 - I used to think that I looked inelegant doing this - like a beached whale - until I saw a video my husband took, which showed me how sensually I moved - my whole body writhing, squirming, my hips rising and falling, my thighs parting and closing - surprisingly sensual. I called it rubbing, and for many years successfully avoided admitting, even to myself, that I was really masturbating. I remember the first time I let myself imagine an actual boy - a boy I knew - as I masturbated, instead of the formless faceless men who had taken me in my dreams and fantasies until then.
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